I cry too much. I say the wrong things at the wrong times. I am self destructive and anyone too close get dragged into my downward spiral. I am sick, deranged and weak. I am broken and he holds me together. My name is Aimee, but i am no one. At the mere age of fifteen i am make no difference and i am probably going to die . Nathan is my newest best friend yet i know nothing about him. I know not if he trusts me but i trust him with everything. Only after his accident did he reveal his secret. I always wanted his trust, his care, his approval. not once did i receive this nor will i ever.I have tried to come to terms with this.It really is a shame that this will be the last night i will see him before  my inevitable doom. I suppose this is best and clean brake. But truly how clean is it for i am covered in the pain and suffering. I will forever cry every time i hear his voice and my heart will ache whenever his name plays across my lips. I am broken and my only support just left me on my doorstep, 'only this once', without so much as a goodbye and he should know he will never get a chance. Alas nor will i. This is only at the fault of myself. I was so careless and my dear Nathan was so hopeless. So why is it that everyone here is waiting for my explanation and they are not involved. Why do they wait, for it is my curse so why must they wait for my tears to end, my heart to stop?
"Aimee?!?" I could see in Xander's eyes that it was over.
"WHAT!!" I barked back. I could see his instant pain. It reminded me of when i first abandoned him to join my dear Nathan. Nathan is or was new in town.
"We're leaving. Don't call we will be back in the morning." His voice so cold. He still could not conceal his hurt.
"ok" My voice barely a squeak. Lilly my only true companion got frightened by my recent reckless behavior and had fled before Xander. I felt like i should cry, but i smiled.
I heard the door lock and burst into a fit of laughter.I would be free soon. Alone to retreat to my deepest secrets and my happy dreams. Thats where i found him and i brought him out. I was free with him, my new him, to hide from the pain and tears. I was free to breath no matter how toxic his love was i needed it. For it was valid and no one could take him from me.
     Xander was my best friend before Nathan moved to town. I started hanging out with him and then ditching Xander for him then finally disappearing altogether with him.No guilt, not a second thought not even a backwards glance. I loved Nathan but he wasn't always my love. Xander was my first love and it was, just as Nathan, not returned. He had found out i was broken and then the hugs got cold the stopped all together. We stopped calling and he tried to avoid me. THe only thing keeping us together was Lilly who had befriended us both and was determined not to give either of us up. My heart broke and he didn't even know. I know that no one could ever love someone as broken as me and i realize that fact won't ever change. I hear his voice. My new comfort. Nathan will no longer come in the dead of night to hold me.
"Aimee?" My new comfort said. I turned towards him.
"I am Raven. I will never leave you and never hurt you" He said in a voice and smooth as dark chocolate. But that was weeks ago. Raven loves to spend his nights with me and we can talk and talk. He will hold me together just a little longer. Xander never came back neither did Nathan, but Raven did. Raven is a hallucination or as some would say not real. He is real to me. He returns my love and he does not think that i am broken. He is wonderful.He is from my secret hole yet he will never know of that night of my betrayal. Of my pronounced death but for now i don't cry only laugh.
*RING*RING*
My pink hello kitty Phone rings. I wait for the third ring before i pick up
"Hello?" I ask somewhat drowsy.